Strapped to a inevitability

When I opened my eyes for the first time, I saw her; so close to me and so warm. She kissed my forehead and then my cheek and then my lips. She was the most beautiful woman I had seen and to think that I was inside her for 9 months was an overwhelming feeling in itself. She was the first word that I learned to speak - Amma. I loved her, not knowing why or how much. I cried, I laughed and all my expressions brought a sense of accomplishment on her face. She used to carry me in her arms and feed me with her milk. I was happy that I had HER to look after me.

One day I crawled on my knees and I saw an unabashed joy on her face which made me crawl more to see that joy even more. I used to call her Mamma now and she cherished it every time. She used to run after me just to ensure that I didn't put a coin in my mouth.

Papa - I had met him some time after I met Amma.I didn't know then that this man would be my caretaker for the rest of his life. I learned to look at him with as much love that I had for Amma and found that she was not jealous that I shared my love with him. Though it surprised me a bit but I was too young to care.

When I took my steps, I had seen tears in Amma's eyes. I didn't know why she cried. I walked to her open arms and she lifted me up and kissed me. It was beautiful.
When I blew the lone candle on the cake, Amma and Appa celebrated my first birthday. It was a great day as I got a lot of new dresses and shoes and toys.

I cried like there was no tomorrow on my first day to school. Mrs. White tried to convince me that LKG was not a bad place to be in and I soon found out why. Mrs. White, as her name suggests was a fair, lovely lady. I thought of her as school Amma. A, B, C were very difficult. I was good at learning 'I' and was proud at that. I was not aware then that this one letter would change my life one day.

I was in Ms. Geeta's class when she asked me to pull my shorts down for teasing a girl. It was quite embarrassing for a boy in class 3. She was kind enough to change her decision and I was fortunate that I still had some dignity left.

I was a good student and visibly the apple of the eye of many teachers. I was good enough at football and I came to know that in 7th when I cracked my leg playing it. I would like to claim that the leg grew stronger after that but my interest in sports waned. When I came out of school, I was confused about what life had in store for me ahead.
Emotions were very similar when I finished my graduation.

The day when my Appa bought me my new bicycle and asked me not to take it out much and when he bought me a video game and asked me not to break into the TV set, flashed now in front of me. I was flying kites with my cousin when we saw our first common crush. Being the taller guy, I thought that the girl would like me. Ten days later I saw her behind my cousin's cycle. That's when I fought for a cycle and I had so many excuses to make to Appa to get it.

All I see now is a burgeoning crowd trying to get into the local train as I struggle to get my foot too in a gap. I was ready for the moment. My Amma and Appa would not be proud of me. I don't know if my sister would ever be able to believe her ears. She was a pain in my butt when we were young but I love her now.

Amma and Appa would not understand. They would not forgive me. I can't begin to imagine how they would take this. I bet they would take it in their stride as they had stood the tests of time as long as I could remember. I don't know if she would forgive me. I had loved her more than I loved my Amma. She was my first love and apparently my last. I had told her to forget me and if she would ever understand me, which I doubt, she would live on.

I closed my eyes and dreamt of the beautiful place that I was promised. It was more beautiful than any which I had ever seen. I was composed and relaxed - it was always about me - 'I'. Amma and Appa would understand.

The time had come for me to slip into that alien world which I was promised to be divine. It didn't took long before I exploded into shreds. The last I remember was the toddler near me touching my legs with his tiny fingers and then I jumping out of the train.