Strapped to a inevitability

When I opened my eyes for the first time, I saw her; so close to me and so warm. She kissed my forehead and then my cheek and then my lips. She was the most beautiful woman I had seen and to think that I was inside her for 9 months was an overwhelming feeling in itself. She was the first word that I learned to speak - Amma. I loved her, not knowing why or how much. I cried, I laughed and all my expressions brought a sense of accomplishment on her face. She used to carry me in her arms and feed me with her milk. I was happy that I had HER to look after me.

One day I crawled on my knees and I saw an unabashed joy on her face which made me crawl more to see that joy even more. I used to call her Mamma now and she cherished it every time. She used to run after me just to ensure that I didn't put a coin in my mouth.

Papa - I had met him some time after I met Amma.I didn't know then that this man would be my caretaker for the rest of his life. I learned to look at him with as much love that I had for Amma and found that she was not jealous that I shared my love with him. Though it surprised me a bit but I was too young to care.

When I took my steps, I had seen tears in Amma's eyes. I didn't know why she cried. I walked to her open arms and she lifted me up and kissed me. It was beautiful.
When I blew the lone candle on the cake, Amma and Appa celebrated my first birthday. It was a great day as I got a lot of new dresses and shoes and toys.

I cried like there was no tomorrow on my first day to school. Mrs. White tried to convince me that LKG was not a bad place to be in and I soon found out why. Mrs. White, as her name suggests was a fair, lovely lady. I thought of her as school Amma. A, B, C were very difficult. I was good at learning 'I' and was proud at that. I was not aware then that this one letter would change my life one day.

I was in Ms. Geeta's class when she asked me to pull my shorts down for teasing a girl. It was quite embarrassing for a boy in class 3. She was kind enough to change her decision and I was fortunate that I still had some dignity left.

I was a good student and visibly the apple of the eye of many teachers. I was good enough at football and I came to know that in 7th when I cracked my leg playing it. I would like to claim that the leg grew stronger after that but my interest in sports waned. When I came out of school, I was confused about what life had in store for me ahead.
Emotions were very similar when I finished my graduation.

The day when my Appa bought me my new bicycle and asked me not to take it out much and when he bought me a video game and asked me not to break into the TV set, flashed now in front of me. I was flying kites with my cousin when we saw our first common crush. Being the taller guy, I thought that the girl would like me. Ten days later I saw her behind my cousin's cycle. That's when I fought for a cycle and I had so many excuses to make to Appa to get it.

All I see now is a burgeoning crowd trying to get into the local train as I struggle to get my foot too in a gap. I was ready for the moment. My Amma and Appa would not be proud of me. I don't know if my sister would ever be able to believe her ears. She was a pain in my butt when we were young but I love her now.

Amma and Appa would not understand. They would not forgive me. I can't begin to imagine how they would take this. I bet they would take it in their stride as they had stood the tests of time as long as I could remember. I don't know if she would forgive me. I had loved her more than I loved my Amma. She was my first love and apparently my last. I had told her to forget me and if she would ever understand me, which I doubt, she would live on.

I closed my eyes and dreamt of the beautiful place that I was promised. It was more beautiful than any which I had ever seen. I was composed and relaxed - it was always about me - 'I'. Amma and Appa would understand.

The time had come for me to slip into that alien world which I was promised to be divine. It didn't took long before I exploded into shreds. The last I remember was the toddler near me touching my legs with his tiny fingers and then I jumping out of the train.

Love - I fell in once and I never looked up again

I came when God decided to send me here and I will leave when he wants me out of here.

Life is as ephemeral as snow in the Sun but it is much more lovely than one can ever imagine. It then becomes an imperative to every person given this wonderful opportunity to experience it to the full extent that one can. What better a way can anyone think of doing this than being in the most pure form of life itself.

It is the most rewarding feeling of all. People call it by different names - Kaadhal, sneham, ishtam, pyaar - multiple forms of the same emotion - yes, an emotion - I prefer to call Love. It is like the morning dew on the ripe fallen leaves that have no hope of going back to the tree they were once with. It's like the dusk sky - embellished in pure red and orange, it's like the spectacle of a beautiful Sunrise, it's like the cool breeze blowing through one's hair. A refreshing yet humbling emotion.

Falling in love was the most fortunate thing that happened to me. It was not easy. I had spent 23 straight years of my life without falling in love. A very very long time, considering the average human life expectancy. It eludes you as if you didn't even exist, but when it hits you, the ground under suddenly slips away and you are totally swept off your feet and there is no one around to grab hold of and then it happens - You Fall ...face first.....heart first....no senses.....no consciousness and then you realize that you have fallen............ In love.

The most surprising thing about this sweeping fall is that it feels wonderful and you'd wish never to get up..... let alone stand and walk. You float. Books seem immaterial..... food becomes tasteless....if you have hunger in the first place. You grow wings and fly off in a direction you call Love.

She was the most beautiful girl I had seen till then. Now..... after 4 years..... she stuns me with her beauty like I had met her just a moment ago. Describing someone so beautiful is not an easy job in itself, let alone falling in love with her. I should have been really good in my previous lives.... I have really no clue when.... but yes.... i should have been, considering that God blessed me with her.

It was difficult really to believe that love would actually come after me.... a change from the usual way of running after it. All I knew after that was that I was neck deep in love and was that feeling great......don't ask.....I am out of words. I didn't know whether I was headed in the right direction...I didn't have a choice once all my direction boards began pointing in one direction. A leap of faith and Here I am .... after many years... still wondering how much could I love her more as each day passes by.

I know one thing for sure..... if I was to love someone..... it was none other than her and she has been the most valuable possession ever in my live.

It is a wonderful ecstasy.... this love. Fall in it and you would know why.